Feeling rubbish.

I never write blog posts when I'm feeling down. I always write them when I'm feeling positive and happy and ready to make a change with the world or myself. This is not one of those times.

Today I'm feeling particularly pants. I'm feeling shit, you might say. I know, I'm not the only one feeling like this way. I know, people are starving all the way around the world. So, I should be happy in my warm, homed, not hungry, clothed existence. Right?

But let's be honest. Everyone has days like this. Everyone has days when they wake up and look in the mirror and feel like the ugliest person in the world. Everyone has days when they can't do anything but constantly compare themselves to that prettier girl they know. (If you don't then well done, you have conquered confidence and I wish for you to write a book and teach me your ways).

They say that comparison is the thief of all happiness and they're right. I can look in the mirror and look at every part of me and accept that these things can't be changed. This is me. And I look nice. But, then, we remember the prettier girl. And, no matter what other people say, it doesn't change what's in our heads.

I know full well that if any of my friends told me they were feeling this way I would shout at them all the brilliant things about them until they were able to at least smile. But, today, I can't seem to do this for myself.

Yesterday I had a job interview. I went to campus early, wrote two letters to two of my amazing pen pals. I went to the interview, bagged myself a summer job, went home, got into my pyjamas and laid in bed feeling entirely useless and that I had no purpose. Makes no sense. I'd had a productive morning. But, nope. It wasn't enough. So, rather than trying to make myself feel better by doing even more stuff, I laid in bed feeling rubbish reading chick lit and messaging my friends on facebook... for hours. It didn't make me feel better at all but sometimes I just need to lay down and feel crap about myself for me to hope to feel better. I'm not feeling better today, but that's okay.

I don't want people to read this post and to start complimenting me to try make me feel better. I'm not fishing for compliments by writing this. I'm simply writing down my feelings so that other people can read it and be like Okay, everyone feels this way sometimes so it's okay. Because it is. You won't always feel ugly and untalented and useless. But there might be days when you do. And that's okay. But, you must remember that it is not true. You are beautiful, talented and full of purpose. It's just that sometimes your brain doesn't always want you to realise this.

I'm not really sure where I'm going with this post but I just wanted everybody to know that I'm feeling rubbish and if you are too, then you're okay.