World Mental Health Day

Yesterday was World Mental Health Day and I had actually written a post for it. However, after multiple rereads, I found it to be more depressing than positive and reassuring as I had hoped it to be. But, as someone who tries to be as open about mental health as possible, I did not want the day to go by without me acknowledging it at all. 

Mental health is an ongoing battle. I posted the above photograph across social media in May 2015 when I came out of my first major depressive episode. In this photo I thought I was fixed. I thought that was the end. I have since been in therapy on multiple occasions, been on anti-depressants and had multiple more mental health diagnoses. 

Anti-depressants aren't for everyone. They'll tell you "don't worry, everyone gets worse before they get better." But, sometimes the getting worse is too risky to put up with in order to get better. So, I stopped. I was on anti-depressants so I could get better and try and live a more normal life, not kill myself along the way to achieving that. 

I went back to my doctor, told her anti-depressants were not for me and she put me in touch with Health in Mind. Health in Mind gave me one-on-one phone counselling sessions for as long as I needed it. I'd had counselling before but none of it had worked for me. Sometimes different counsellors offer different services and it may take you a while to find the right one for you. And eventually, I did. 

I remember when I was living/working in London, I got a phone call. I was in the middle of a Harry Potter walking tour of London and had totally forgotten I had a phone appointment arranged with my counsellor that day. I answered the phone and she asked me if I was okay and I said yes. I had never answered yes to that question before when she had asked. But, I really was okay. So, my phone counselling sessions came to an end.

I am not fixed. But, I am better. I still have days where I doubt my entire self and existence. I still have days where I think the world might be better off without me. But, I know those thoughts aren't real. They are just a chemical imbalance in my brain trying to tell me things that aren't true.

So, yeah. There is no easy fix. But you need to be persistent. Try 100 counsellors. If none of them work for you, try another. Keep going. Surround yourself with friends who tell you they "like maintaining" you rather than those who make you feel like a constant burden in their lives. People will help you. People will listen. You just need to find the right ones.

And remember, things haven't always been this bad. Therefore, they won't always be this bad.